Tonight at Vader Home base, we had a crisis. No, not a crisis like a group of rogue jedis trying to destroy all the dark work we’ve accomplished so far. It was crisis of a far cuddlier nature.
While I am fully aware that this seems to be a rather inappropriate gift for the Spawn of the Dark Lord’s loins – what with the pink and the cuddly and the “aw precious” and all – it was an instant hit with the Spawn. She dubbed him “Lil Henry” and has not let go of him since.
As you can imagine, then, Little Henry is particularly important at bedtime. He is a requirement in fact. Should bedtime arrive and Henry not be found, the entire Imperial Forces of Darkness will cease operation until Henry, and all of his disgusting cuteness, have been recovered. (There are special Devil Hounds that we keep on the DeathStar for just such emergencies.)
Anyway, on this particular night, the Devil Mutts (read: “mom”) were unsuccessful at locating the required ball of pink fluff, and as a result, Spawn’s minor concern for Henry’s well being ballooned into a full-on tear-riddled panic. In the midst of my best attempts to console her, all the while looking for Henry you understand, Spawn dropped to her knees, threw her head back, clasped her hands and wailed, “Oh God! You just gotta help me find Lil Henry! I simply must have him so I can go to sleep! I need him so that I can cuddle him and never ever lose him again! Please God, oh please oh please, help us to find Lil Henry!”
Just as she stood and wiped her tears with her pajama sleeve, my hand ran across a tiny pink fluff ball with bunny ears and a teddy bear face. Lil Henry, apparently, had been hiding under the covers and the foot of Spawn’s bed, never thinking for once that perhaps he should’ve answered when she’d called for him the first time. (Now you see why I hate cute things so much. They’re VERY inconsiderate underneath all that cuteness!)
Anyway, as I pulled Little Henry out from under the covers and turned to hand him to a distraught Spawn, her entire face lit up and she smiled, grabbed Henry and squealed. She then immediately informed me of the following: “I thought God was just a lousy finder. Turns out, you were just a lousy finder, Mom.”
She then looked up and said, “Thanks God! You make me so happy I could cry from happy!”
And then she did.